Hip Hop is in a weird place. It’s weird because no one really knows for sure where it’s at. While there seems to be more diversity than ever in the rap game, the soul and heart of the music seems to be on hiatus.

As a fan, it’s getting hard to know what you really want.  In the past an artist being true to themselves and their life experiences was good enough to turn out quality art. Things are a little different now. Nowadays, being true to yourself on wax might actually encompass the 20 hours a day you spend on Twitter, or your nightly trips to the booty club where you change the forecast. That can make the today’s Hip Hop a  little tedious to those who need more from their music than a head nod.

This creative malaise has other unintended consequences. For one it makes it hard to know who the really important rappers are. Things didn’t used to be that way. 15 years ago Pac and Big were dominating not only the charts, but the passion of the fans. Yeah well, that’s really not how things rock now. Things are much more compartmentalized in Hip Hop today. Now you have to go to a certain rapper for your lyrical stuff, a certain rapper for your party stuff, and the other dudes if you want to hear anything dealing with real human feelings.

I, the Sicklemaster have found out a way to measure the importance/relevancy of today’s rap generation. I will borrow a formula from one of my favorite things in the world, EA’s Madden NFL Football. Madden, in order to have the most realistic Football experience that it can, ranks players in a number of sub-categories from 1 to 99 that then make up an overall rating from 1-99. This makes things very realistic in that every guy has something different that they can do. For example, although Reggie Bush has largely frustrated Saints fans for the last 5 seasons, his 97 speed rating on Madden makes him incredibly useful. However, if you keep going to the Reggie well in a game, the chances he will fumble become 100% because his carry rating is so low. Sounds like real life right? That’s what Madden does, it gives you credit for what you do well, and penalizes you for what you don’t.

So what we’re going to do is use the Madden formula for Hip Hop. We’ll rank three different groups of rappers based on what they do and how they do it. Then we’ll come up with overall rankings to piss all the Stans off.

Okay, so in Madden the ratings are what you’d figure them to be for a football game. Speed, Strength, Awareness, Acceleration, etc. For our rapper metric we had to bring in some new categories by which to get the overall ratings.

Delivery (Del): How well you spit. Not so much based on what you’re saying but just how ill you say it. Your tone, creativity and ability to connect the beat all matter here.

Heat (HT): How hot you are. Heat is measured by how much a track pops off the CD just because you’re on it. To be hot is basically about being in a zone of creative influence.  It’s about how crazy people go when they hear your voice.

Last Album(LA): We’re keeping things current with this category. Here you get measured based on your last work. It says album, but for those who haven’t dropped one yet, we’ll consider the last Mixtape you put out.

Crossover Appeal(CA): How you cross over into other musical markets. If you’re musically viable anywhere outside of SOHH.com, AllHipHop.com or BGOL you get high marks here.

Record Sales(RS): Simple, how well you sell. You move units; you get a higher number.

Prestige(P): No one thinks I should include this, but I have to. This is a measure of where a rappers current legacy is. It’s basically a metric of your Rap Royalty. The new kids might have a problem scoring high in this one.

Relevance(R): How much you mean to the game. If they take you away, what will happen? Will guys keep your name alive (Weezy) or will people forget about you?

Lyrical Content(LC): What you’re rapping about. We’re rewarding lyrical diversity. This isn’t a category just for the positive guys it’s for any artist that gives us an entire experience with his music. If you’re all one thing (Rick Ross) you’ll score lower.

OK, there’s your categories. Let’s get into it. Oh and real quick, we’re ranking most of these categories over the course of the last 14 months. The only one that is based in career achievement is Prestige.

And just like Madden we’re ranking from 1-99 with 99 being the Highest.

Group One: The Elites

Jay-Z

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

97           97           98           90           99           96           99           99           94

At 41, Jigga is still Jigga. He’s a 99 career guy for sure, but right now his lukewarm last album and his increasingly one-note L(yrical)C(ontent) make him a 97 overall.

Eminem            

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

99           99           99           95           99           96           97           99           97

The whitest thing about Eminem is the fact that he’s running things right now. It hurts for some to admit it, but the pale boy from Detroit has mastered the game. A year ago this rating might have been different, but his latest effort Recovery proved that Em is still the man to beat.

Kanye West

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

96           88           99           98           99           97           96           99           98

Ye is more than a rapper in a lot of respects. In fact, he’s maybe the truest “Artist” on this list. Not the purest lyricist, his DEL(ivery) rating reflects the fact that Mr. West sometimes coasts through verses on swagger alone. Still though, he’s more than competent as a rapper and his L(yrical)C(ontent) is among the most personal and diverse of any MC in history.

Lil Wayne         

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

96           96           98           93           99           94           94           99           93

Wayne has been beasting the music scene for the last four years straight. Even a yearlong stay in Jail couldn’t keep the Hollygrove HotBoy from staying on everyone’s mind. He has the tuffest team in Hip Hop right now with his Young Money Crew, so both his H(ea)T and R(elevance) are off the charts.

T.I.                     

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

96           94           96           95           97           97           95           96           95

T.I. is resting comfortably somewhere in the custody of the state right now, yet he remains one of the most compelling figures in Rap. He continues to get better as a lyricist and as the “King of the South” matures, his L(yrical)C(content) and P(restige) are flowering as well.

Group Two: The Next Up

Drake

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

94           93           97           92           97           95           85           98           90

This 24 year old Superstar is a living breathing testament to the evolution of Rap. A biracial Canadian former child star taken seriously in an industry dominated by reputed street thugs? Not possible in 1996. Drake is maybe the most modern of the modern rappers in that his product is so utterly consumable that it’s  incredibly difficult to find anyone who absolutely loves him or absolutely hates him. His talent is undeniable though, and no Rap artist in the world is as omnipresent on as radio he is, which is why he kills the R(elevance) rating with a 98.

Nicki Minaj      

OVERALLDEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

91           90           97           91           97           94           82           96           85

Nicki is as polarizing an artist as I have ever seen. Almost no one is in the middle. For the purists, she’s the death of the game in a wig with fake eyelashes. For the new breed, she is their patron saint of trendy, an artist whose genre blending musical antics are the future of Hip Hop. I’m not so sure about the latter. What I am sure of is that the Young Money first lady is feline of the moment, and she has the 97 H(ea)T rating to prove it.

Rick Ross

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

90           93           94           92           87           88           86           95           86

Ross beats you over the head with a booming voice, ear crackling beats and visceral tales of street life and dope dealing that in my opinion are mostly made up. The music is entertaining though, that much is undeniable. If you like rap it’s hard to listen to Ross and say that it doesn’t sound good. Even still, it’s criminally boring to listen to criminal tales for a whole album which is why Ross gets a meager 86 for L(yrical)C(ontent).

B.O.B

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

88           89           92           94           94           90           82           92           93

A hard rapper to categorize even by this in depth metric, B.O.B. is definitely someone to watch in the upcoming years. Since signing with T.I.’s Grand Hustle imprint, B.O.B. has gotten rid of the Andre 3000 act, and found his own voice. He scored two top ten singles in 2010, the sign of C(rossover) A(ppeal)  where he checks in with a 94.

Waka Flocka Flame

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

82           75           95           87           86           77           72           82           70

Not being hard on Waka here, just being real. I like him as much as the next guy but that doesn’t change the fact that his music is basically a bunch of unintelligible sounds screamed really loudly over and over again. Being that I’m from Louisiana, I’m used to that. Still though, as an MC Waka leaves a lot to be desired even for a Gardere Lane veteran like myself. Nothing gets me hype like “Hard in the Paint” though, so Wacka gets the 95 H(ea)T, but falters overall with a Jake Delhomme like 82 rating.

Group Three: The Wild Cards

Lupe Fiasco

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

92           97           85           95           86           83           90           93           99

I personally would rather listen to this guy than anyone else on the list, but I seem to be in the minority there. In my opinion, he almost never misses. His L(yrical)C(ontent) and DEL(ivery) are astounding, but since not enough people listen to his brilliant work, Lupe tops off at 92.

Jay Electronica                 

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

90           96           89           89           82           75           88           95           99

Imagine Lupe but a little funnier looking, a little older and quite possibly even deeper. I for one hope Jay Electronica can save this little ship called Hip Hop, and it looks like Jay-Z is hoping the same thing, having just inked Electronica to a deal with Roc Nation. Not only did news of the deal send Diddy into a Real Housewives-Esque nervous breakdown, it also gave Jay Electronica fans hope that he might release an album in the next 100 years.

Nas                                       

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R             LC

96           98           89           93           89           89           99           92           99

Four names at the top for me. Biggie, Tupac, Nas, Jay (That’s in no order and Rakim is too ill to be ranked. If any of these guys is Superman, Rakim is Jor-El).  So why is Nas a Wild Card? Because he wants to be. Since the battle with Jay-Z sent him back to the top of the game, Nas has taken a more muted approach to his career. He’s done a lot of purely artistic projects like the Untitled (Nigger) and Distant Relatives (with Damian Marley) which keep him with content on the menu but not really on anyone’s mind. Nas is a born rapper though, and maybe the only prodigy the game has ever known. The 96 OVR is almost an insult to Nasir, I’m sorry.

Wiz Khalifa                         

OVERALL DEL         HT          LA           CA          RS           P             R           LC

88           89           95           92           93           82           83           89           83

Hard not to like him. Almost impossible actually. The lanky 6’4 Pittsburgh spitter is like a new school Snoop that never had to gang-bang. His flow is pretty straight forward but when he paints a picture he makes you want to be inside it. It’s called star quality and Wiz has it. Ironically this weed influenced music is pretty forgettable, but while you do remember it, the high is amazing. He’s one of the hottest out right now due to his banger “Black and Yellow” which helped Wiz turn up the temperature with a 95 H(eat)T rating.

Well, there you have it. I invite all Stans to spazz out at these ratings and also to rate their own rappers in the comment section.

The Sicklemaster.